Sometimes I feel like strangers know me better than me. I don’t often enough step out of my shoes to view myself from a different perspective. But I’ve learned that not only trying to figure out who you really are is one of the toughest natural challenge, it is also one of the scariest. Personally, I’m curious to find out who I am and will be but simultaneously I am not doing anything to speed up the process only because I’m afraid that I won’t be able to accept me for me. In my experiences, I’ve made many regretful mistakes. Like losing someone who I really cared for, for example. There were a lot of questions that weren’t answered when it happened and most of them are not important or irrelevant. With all of these questions in the back of my head, it becomes overwhelming. Heavy. So heavy it’s depressing. To the point of break downs becoming an every night thing before bed. To the point where nothing else mattered and i start to lose sight of myself. To the point where I start to lose things that I’ve worked so hard for. My job, my car, my dog. Rent couldn’t be paid for. Cell phone was cut off. Weight was lost. Food had no taste. I locked myself up in my room for months with very little contact with anyone. All this happened because I couldn’t figure out one small thing about myself. What I wanted. Not knowing what I wanted killed not only me, but those around me too. I was indecisive. Always hesitant to make decisions. I was my own worst enemy. Finally, after a few months of locking myself in my room, I realized some things. Those questions, they don’t matter. What does matter is what I know I want. After I figured that out, I started working towards it. Planning, thinking, dreaming, researching. It consumed me. I couldn’t be stopped. I felt strong. But patience was key. First thing’s first. i started eating again. Applying for jobs. Got interviews. Turned down jobs. Because I know I’m more capable and qualified and worth something. Got my ideal temporary job. Petco. Department manager for cats and dogs. I felt like I owed something to Bailey, my former companion. Rent is now caught up. Car is back in shape. Insurance is paid for. Credit cards and over drafts fees are taken care of. I’m back on my feet. Now, it’s time to really work for what I wanted. What I originally had planned, thought of, dreamt about, and researched for. Her.